'Round and 'Round I Go

I've tried blogging before. I was relatively successful when you compare the number of page views I received to the amount of time I blogged. Sadly for my writing, the inception of my blog coincided with childbirth. While this was a wonderfully happy time for me, I was a full-time mom and teacher. Something had to give, and it was the blogging. Skip to now, with three children under seven and a switch to a work-at-home career as a technical writer. I simply couldn't shake the desire to write for myself. I also simply couldn't find the time to do it.

I finally decided that writing would never happen if I didn't make time for it. (Such an epiphany.) So here we go.

My son goes to our community fitness center twice a week for PE classes. Since the center offers childcare for my younger babies, I have no excuse not to work out. This is a blessing and a dolorous chore. To pass the time on the Medieval torture device, I pray, listen to sermons and podcasts, praise and worship music, or stream spiritually-themed TV programs. In the last two weeks, I have gained a number of insights on my life. This includes my relationship with God and truths about Him, areas of my life to improve upon, and other thoughts utterly profound.

That is, once I make it on to the elliptical. I am a person of size, and have been on a fitness journey for the last nine years in which I have kept off 100 pounds despite the weight roller coaster that was three pregnancies. I'm by no means huge or tiny, but I'm on the far end of average at a size 16. I'm also very self-conscious due to living most of my life at 300+ pounds before I began my journey. I don't know what most of the machines in the gym are called or how to use them. I'm not the most graceful person, either. The sculpted, tatted, spandex-sporting crew dripping sweat and grunting all around me intimidate me. I'm nervous every time I go into the gym, wearing my kids' zone claim sticker and workout clothes that most definitely did not come from LuLuLemon. Are they watching and judging me? Do I look completely stupid? How out of shape am I compared to these people?

All stupid thoughts. I know. I'm being honest, here.

I'm afraid that these people have several names for me:

-That Chick That Drops Her iPhone Every Time She Starts Working Out
-The Lady That Got Stuck in Midair Halfway Up Onto The Elliptical
-That Woman Who Fell Off The Elliptical Twice In One Week
-The Nutjob That Closelined Herself With Her Earbud Cords.

All of these things have happened in the gym. When I went on Thursday this week, I was beyond thrilled when I got on the elliptical, worked out, and got off without a single incident. It was like being a normal person! Let me share the learning that occurred during my normal workout.

I have started learning Hebrew as a personal pursuit. I'm serious about growing my relationship with God and think that I need to spend more time in Hebrew and Greek to do it. I'll post more on my reasons for that another time. This time, I was watching a video on Hebrew introductions. I learned that while most verbs have masculine and feminine forms depending on the speaker and addressee, the words "I AM" are gender neutral.

I immediately thought of Genesis 1:27. where the Bible tells us that God, making mankind in His own image, created them as male and female. I also connected to a  sermon by our pastor in which he detailed how the person of the Holy Spirit embodies God's feminine qualities, in that the Holy Spirit is a feminine trait to be Comforter and Helper (see: John 14:26 and 15:26). So of course this marriage of feminine and masculine traits would make logical sense in God's nature. God calls Himself "I AM" in Exodus 3:14. To see this mirrored in the grammar of the Hebrew language just confirmed to me of the richness of understanding that comes from word studies! Don't misunderstand me. I still believe in God as Father, and Scriptures refer to Him as such (Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:6, James 1:17). But I see how the feminine and masculine are all wrapped up in His character a little more clearly now.

Please understand I'm not thinking in terms of physical attributes. I'm approaching this from a spiritual and emotional perspective. So the "I AM that I AM" fully knows how a man's mind works, and fully knows (and has empathy for) the convoluted turnings that fill a woman's mind. So when Isaiah (53:4) says that he has "born our sorrows and carried our pains," I have full confidence that God has compassion on and wisdom for both men and women that comes from a place not just of omniscience, but also of firsthand experience. I believe that any debate over whether God is fully male or fully female is moot after my grammar lesson.

So there's my first thought from the elliptical for you.